; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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