Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
