Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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