how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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