so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
