the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
