Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
