I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
