Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
