Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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