Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
