dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
