its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
