bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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