All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
