Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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