I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
