Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
