My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
