All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
