what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
