I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
