just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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