Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
