I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
