i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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