just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
