I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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