Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
