Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
