I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
