i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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