my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
