you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
