So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
