He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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