Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
