Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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