never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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