So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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