at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
