do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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