You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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