just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
