sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
