It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
