He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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