its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just found a bag of teeth...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
