You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
