Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
