operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
