we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
